


the past

by casdoms (moffwithhishead)



Series: season 12 [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s12e19 The Future, Feelings, Gen, M/M, POV Sam Winchester, Sam just wants to help his brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 00:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10752825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moffwithhishead/pseuds/casdoms
Summary: “I just -” Dean says abruptly, his eyes on his feet. “I don’t get it.”“Yeah,” Sam snorts, “I kinda thought Cas was done with the angels.”Dean makes a frustrated noise and rubs at the back of his neck, “No, not - not that... I get that. I -” He swallows, his hands fidgeting more, “I don’t get him, Sam. He just... fucks off for months and then -”His breath hitches again and Sam’s eyebrows jump up.“Then he just... shows up. And he...” Dean licks his lips, clearly not saying something, “He says... things. About, y’know... wanting to stick around.”





	the past

**Author's Note:**

> episode spoilers. this is probably the most bro-y thing I've ever written. I just had some Feelings about this and how frustrated and angry dean's going to be about this. and I don't even think he's that mad at cas, just like... Hurt(TM). and he made cas a mixtape, guys. wow.
> 
> warning for: dean expressing his frustration and anger through mild violence. it's chill tho, it's a punching bag.

Sam sees the tape sitting in the ash tray of Cas’ truck. He’d recognize his brother’s handwriting anywhere. That’s one of Dean’s tapes.

He picks it up and reads the label before making a noise, “Huh. I wonder how this got here.”

Dean looks over at Sam for a second before his face settles into a glare and he snaps back to the road, “We got bigger things to think about right now, Sam.” 

Sam’s eyebrows jump a little, “Dean, you’re going 90 in a school zone.”

“Yeah and you should mind your damn business and start thinking about what we’re gonna do when we find Cas and Kelly,” Dean growls in return, his shoulders hunching up defensively. 

Sam huffs and drops the tape back into the ash tray, “Whatever.”

He’s pretty sure that Cas isn’t going to do anything. Sam knows how to read his friend and he knows Cas is uncomfortable with this whole situation and he - well. He’s probably working with the angels but Cas always come through when it counts.

“Get the colt ready,” Dean snaps a little and pushes the truck as hard as it can go. 

Sam eyes his brother suspiciously but doesn’t say anything.

 

* * *

They wake up in the park to daylight.

It feels like he got hit over the head with a shotgun and Sam groans as he pushes himself up off the ground. 

Dean’s still zonked out in front of him and Sam takes a moment to gather himself before shoving his brother’s shoulder.

“Dean.”

His voice sounds more like a grunt so he shoves Dean again, harder this time, “ ** _Dean_**. Wake up.” 

Dean jolts awake and immediately makes a long, drawn out groaning noise that almost sounds like a whine, “What the fuck Sam...” 

“Cas whammied us,” he reminds him. “Looks like we were out all night.”

Almost immediately, Dean’s posture changes. His shoulders draw up in on themselves and Dean hits the ground a little harder than necessary when he pushes himself up. 

Dean just stares at the ground for a moment before growling out, “FUCK.” 

Sam makes a humming noise of agreement, “Yeah, pretty much.” 

“That god damn son of a -” Dean mumbles as he pushes himself up to his feet, “I’m gonna kill him.”

Sam elects to stay on the ground for a few more minutes, “Dean...”

His brother is _mad_. Sam’s known Dean long enough to recognize the signs and he’s fucking livid right now.

More than that though, Dean’s frustrated and hurt. Sam can see it in the way his face keeps flicking between emotions and the way his hands won’t stop flexing. He’s also not saying anything right now and that’s always the biggest clue for when Dean’s pissed.

He stops talking about it. 

They hear a school bus drive by in the distance and it seems to snap Dean out of it.

“Get up,” he grunts, offering Sam a hand. “We’re leaving.”

Sam takes the hand and pulls himself up, deciding not to argue. There’s not really anything he can say right now that will make it better. 

He follows Dean silently as he storms over to the parking lot and sits in the front seat, completely silent while Dean hot wires the Impala. 

Briefly, Sam wonders if it’s possible for someone to have a heart attack just from not saying anything when you’re furious. If it is, they might have to make a pit stop on the way back to the bunker at a hospital for Dean. 

“Dean,” he says after they pull out onto the road, “Don’t you think -”

“Don’t,” Dean snaps. “Don’t, Sam.” 

He sighs, “Dean, we have to -”

Dean doesn’t let him finish, instead turning the radio up as high as it can go.

Sam’s tired and his head still hurts so he sits back against the seat, watching his brother out of the corner of his eye. 

It’s going to be a long drive.

 

* * *

Dean hasn’t said anything since they left the park.

It’s been a couple hours and he hasn’t said a single word to Sam.

His knuckles are turning whiter and whiter on the steering wheel and Sam’s starting to get concerned about the blood flow being cut off. 

He feels bad but he just - he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say.

He’s pissed too, and frustrated. He’s pissed that Cas went rogue, he’s pissed that something is clearly manipulating Cas **again** and he’s frustrated that they didn’t see it to stop it in time. 

It’s just a shitty situation all around and Sam knows it’s killing his brother.

He’s not stupid, okay? He knows.

He’s not supposed to know about any of it - purgatory, the crypt, the night after they broke Rowena’s curse on Cas, the prayers, the phone calls, the texts. He’s not supposed to know that his brother is stupidly in love with their best friend.

But yeah, he knows.

And he was right there when Cas said I love you to Dean. He watched his brother close himself off the second Cas said it. He _knows_ , okay. 

Sam also knows that Dean and Cas are equally dense. He jokes that Dean’s got the emotional range of a teaspoon but it’s not like Cas is any better. He’s come leaps and bounds in his time on earth but he’s still _Cas_. 

Cas somehow still thinks that Dean wasn’t want him around. Dean somehow still thinks that Cas doesn’t want to be here.

And Sam’s somehow supposed to just sit there and watch them dance around each other like it’s normal for his brother to get wasted and cry because Cas isn’t answering his phone. 

It makes his head hurt.

He knows he’s playing with fire when they turn off on their exit and he says, “We’ll get him back, Dean.”

Dean just grunts in acknowledgement but his hands somehow tighten more. 

“We always do,” Sam tries again. Dean just turns up the radio.

 

* * *

Dean doesn’t turn the Impala off when they pull into the garage before he bolts.

Sam sighs as he watches his brother storm off into the bunker.

It takes him a moment to turn off the car and another couple minutes to get their stuff out of the trunk. He takes his time, giving Dean a little bit of space for the moment before they talk. 

Because they _have_ to talk. They don’t have time to mope around the bunker for a month, not when Kelly could pop at any moment. 

Sam just drops their stuff on the war room table and grabs two beers from the fridge before going to find Dean.

He’s in the gym and Sam can hear fists landing on the punching bag as he walks down the hall. He can also hear it when the punches abruptly stop and the chain shakes like it’s suddenly bearing more weight than it’s meant to.

He stops in the doorway and sighs at what he sees.

Dean’s got his back to the door but Sam can tell his forehead is pressed to the bag. His arms are wrapped loosely around it and Dean’s breathing so purposefully that immediately Sam knows he’s trying not to cry.

Just for a second, he considers leaving Dean alone. 

And then he hears Dean’s breath hitch and, well - he doesn’t want to leave Dean alone like this.

Sam clears his throat pretty loudly, “Hey.”

Immediately, Dean’s whole demeanor changes. He straightens up his back and quickly wipes at his face, showing off some newly bruised knuckles.

“What, Sam.”

Sam toes his boots off before stepping onto the mat and walking over to his brother, “I brought beer.”

Dean snatches it out of his hand without looking and chugs half of it in one go.

He breathes for a second before mumbling, “Thanks.”

Sam smiles a little and sits down with his back against the mirror, “Yeah... figured you’d need it.”

Dean takes another swig of it before scoffing a little, turning his back to Sam again, “I’m fine.” 

“So the punching bag had it coming, then,” Sam says amicably, taking a sip of his own beer. 

Dean doesn’t say anything but he does grab a towel from one of the racks and rubs it over his face. Sam takes that as a cue to continue talking.

“So... you made him a mixtape.” 

Again, Dean’s shoulders tense up defensively. 

 _Bingo_ , Sam smirks to himself behind the beer.

“Maybe,” Dean mumbles after a moment, his tone almost hysterically defensive. “He needed tunes for his truck.”

Sam takes another swig of his beer, making sure to keep his tone neutral when he says, “And he said I love you.”

Dean’s shoulders tense up even more. Sam makes a mental note to drag Dean to the chiropractor when this is all over.

“He said I love you, he ghosted on us for like two months and then... this shit storm happened.” 

“I don’t need a summary, Sam,” Dean snaps. “I know what happened.”

Sam watches his brother for a moment. He watches him purposefully regulate his breathing, he watches him fiddle with the bracelet that showed up about a year ago out of nowhere. He watches Dean sniff and wipe his face again.

“I just -” Dean says abruptly, his eyes on his feet. “I don’t get it.” 

“Yeah,” Sam snorts, “I kinda thought Cas was done with the angels.”

Dean makes a frustrated noise and rubs at the back of his neck, “No, not - not that... I get that. I -” He swallows, his hands fidgeting more, “I don’t get him, Sam. He just... fucks off for months and then -”

His breath hitches again and Sam’s eyebrows jump up.

“Then he just... shows up. And he...” Dean licks his lips, clearly not saying something, “He says... things. About, y’know... _wanting_ to stick around.”

Sam bites his tongue, afraid to do anything that will get Dean to stop talking.

“He stole the colt...” Dean sounds a little dazed when he says it, “He was here, with me and he just... did that like it was - like it was nothing.”

Dean shakes his head and finishes off his beer, “I know that wasn’t... entirely Cas in the park, Sam. You don’t -” He laughs a little, “You don’t have to come in here and comfort me or whatever. I know that.”

He wipes off his mouth, sighing, “I’m just... tired. Of all of it.” 

“Yeah...” Sam licks his lips, hoping his voice sounds normal again in a minute, “Cas is... Cas is a good dude. And he’s got a big heart.”

Dean snorts a little flippantly, “Yeah... stupid bastard.”

“He’s had a good teacher,” Sam points out gently, smiling a little.

It earns him a small smile from Dean, “You calling me stupid, Sam?”

“You said it,” he shoots back, holding his hands up in defeat. “I’m just not going to deny it.” 

“’s okay,” Dean mumbles, “I am. I fall for it every time.”

Sam shrugs, “Getting your heart broken sucks.”

Dean goes quiet for a moment but he doesn’t get defensive or agitated. He just gets... thoughtful. He stops talking.

Sam finishes off his own beer, “Look, Dean, I know there’s not really anything I can say that’s going to make this less shitty. Because I’m pissed too, okay? I’m pissed and I’m worried and I’m mad we didn’t catch this.”

He lets out a breath and sets the bottle down, “But we’re gonna get him back, and we’re going to get him back in one piece. We always do.” 

Dean sniffs, nodding a little, “Yeah... yeah, okay.” 

“And then I’ll kick his ass for making you cry.” 

That gets him a half-hearted squawk, “I - I did not cry.”

“Why is your shirt wet?” 

Dean gapes for a moment, “I was - I was working out.” 

“My bad,” Sam holds his hands up. “I forgot you were so out of shape that five minutes of punching a bag gets you that sweaty.”

Dean holds his fists out, huffing, “Hey, these knuckles were not this fucked up before I came in here.”

Sam pushes himself up off the ground and goes over to his brother, examining them for a second.

“Eh, I’ve gotten worse doing research.”

Dean laughs quietly, his heart not totally in it, as he stands up, “You’re such a jackass.”

Sam pulls Dean into a hug almost immediately, “We’ll figure this out, okay?”

Dean swallows before hugging him back, “Yeah, Sam. Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ deansmom


End file.
